


Be who you are, love is all you need

by VenezuelanWriter



Category: Big Time Rush (TV)
Genre: Best Friends, Coming Out, Conversations, Fluff, Gen, Light Angst, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 20:57:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11216148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenezuelanWriter/pseuds/VenezuelanWriter
Summary: Logan planned on doing it. He would tell his best friends, who he trusted completely and blindly with his life, about the darkest secret he’d ever kept.He would come out to them.





	Be who you are, love is all you need

**Author's Note:**

> I’m rewatching the show and getting a bunch of fangirl feelings. Although I love canon, imagine how awesome the show would've been if it had had lgbtq+ representation !! *This won't follow canon, you've been warned*
> 
> Title from “If I Ruled the World” by, _of course_ , Big Time Rush :D.
> 
> Also, if I weren’t ‘serious’ enough I would’ve just titled this “the best squad ever, where can I get one??’

_ February 2007. Minnesota. _

Logan planned on doing it. He would tell his best friends, who he trusted completely and blindly with his life, about the darkest secret he’d ever kept. 

He wanted to be completely relaxed when he did it. Or at least, as relaxed as possible. Since at Kendall’s place they could chill with no problem, Logan had asked Kendall if he could invite them to stay over. It was Friday, so of course Mrs. Knight had agreed to it. How awesome she was also contributed to the reasons Kendall’s place was their favorite home to hang out at.

James’ mom was uptight and overprotective, not to mention all the recent drama because of her divorce with James’ dad. Logan’s mom was adorable, but a neat freak. She didn’t mean to and maybe she wasn’t even considered a neat freak by other adults, but even Logan had to agree to how annoying she was about them eating in Logan’s bedroom and ‘crumb the whole place over’. Carlos’ mother was awesome, a good cook that loved to spoil her son’s best friends. It was his dad that was the problem, though. He was nice most of the time, but when they were up to something he  _ always _ noticed.

So that always led them to Kendall’s place whenever they had group projects or were going to spend all night playing videogames and eating snacks. Mrs. Knight was flexible and didn’t scold them for staying up late and sometimes not sleeping at all. Kendall’s little sister, Katie, didn’t even care about their ‘guy stuff’ and was always busy with her own interests, so she wasn’t a problem either.

 

Today, they were in Kendall’s bedroom. Kendall was sitting on the edge of his bed with Carlos and James was next to Logan sitting on the floor right in front of the bed. They were all focused on playing Mario Kart, but not Logan.

He was nervous, to say the least. He was terrified, frozen. He had a knot on his throat and a bigger one in his stomach. His heart was beating so fast he couldn’t listen to anything else but its accelerated rhythm. His whole body was shaky and sweaty at the same time.

Of course he’d lost the last three rounds of the game. It was a divine miracle he was being able to coordinate his fingers to move and click on the buttons of the controller.

He tried to go over what he planned to say in his head, but he couldn’t. He was too focused on staring at the TV and failing to ignore the knot in his stomach to do that.

“Guys,” Logan said, sighing right after and without getting his friends’ attention. “Guys,” he repeated, more firmly that time.

Kendall paused the game. “What is it?”

“I was about to win!” Carlos complained.

Logan gulped. “I-I have something to tell you.”

“Is it about that girl you’ve been really mysterious about?” James asked, and put his control away.

“It’s serious, guys. It is for me,” Logan said as he felt tears blurring his vision slightly.

“Is it illegal?” Carlos asked.

Logan shook his head silently. He gulped again and actively tried not to act like it was the end of the world. His lips were pressed tightly together and he frowned back and forth repeatedly. Trying not to act like it was the end of the world: Failed.

“Dude, I’m starting to worry,” Kendall said and put away his controller. 

“It’s not —you don’t —you don’t have to worry,” Logan said, shaking his head nervously.

“Your face says otherwise,” James said in a tone uncharacteristically serious for him.

“It’s just—” Logan couldn’t continue, his voice cracked and his watery eyes finally let tears go.

Logan was looking at his feet and with his sweater sleeves, he wiped the few tears off his face. Kendall, James, and Carlos exchanged a look of worry. Kendall turned off the TV and him and Carlos sat on the floor with James and Logan. Kendall and James put each one a hand on Logan’s back to be as comforting as they could be without knowing what was everything about, and Carlos did the same by putting his control away as well and giving all of his attention to Logan.

“You can tell us anything, you know that, right?” Carlos asked.

Logan looked up and took a deep breath, finally calming himself down enough to talk. “I know, guys. It’s just stressful and difficult to talk about this with anyone.”

“Are your parents fighting at home?” James guessed. He knew how hard that could be for anyone.

Logan shook his head slowly. “No, it’s not about that. We’re good at home,” he answered. “I just need you guys to promise me you won’t tell anyone or laugh at me or hate me for this.”

“You have my word,” Kendall replied immediately, raising his right palm.

“I promise,” Carlos said.

“Not a single word to anyone,” James promised.

Logan looked each of his friends—best friends in the eye. They were the most important people in his life and if this didn’t go well, he had no idea of what he’d do. He took a deep breath again, clenching his fists strongly so he’d stop shaking. Those were his best friends and if he couldn’t tell them about this then they weren’t his true best friends. 

He’d imagined this moment in his head multiple times, so he just started from the beginning.

“Remember that guy I told you about? That I was tutoring him once a week and all of that.”

Kendall nodded and answered, “Yeah, you told us he was in a year older than us but that you were smart enough to help him anyway.”

“Luke, right?” Carlos asked, leaning back.

“Yeah, Luke, that one,” Kendall said. His eyes suddenly widened. “Did he bully you or something? Because I swear to God—”

Logan didn't even let him finish that sentence. 

“No! Let me just tell you the story.  You remember this girl I’ve been hanging out with, that I haven't even told you her name?”

“Of course,” James said. “You told us she lived near you and that you’ve been hanging out with her every afternoon.”

“Yeah, uhm, guys. The thing is that,” Logan took a deep breath and questioned everything way too quickly in his head. But he knew there was no going back by then. “They’re the same.”

He spat it out, knowing he’d said it fast but not fast enough for them not to catch it.

“I don’t follow,” Carlos said.

“I think I do,” Kendall said, “but I’m not sure if I’m getting this right.”

“I think you are, Kendall,” Logan said, knowing how good Kendall was with deductions. “There is no girl.” He shrugged. “The person I’ve been hanging out with every afternoon is Luke. And I like him.”

“As in like-like?” James asked.

The knot in Logan’s throat suddenly tightened. “Yes, as in like-like,” he confirmed. James’ hand left his back to and went to rest on his own lap.

They were all silent for a short moment, but for Logan it seemed an eternity. They were probably avoiding eye contact so their guilty and judging looks wouldn't give them away. They were probably thinking of him as just another confused teenager that was looking for experimenting because hormones drove him crazy. At the very last, they were probably angry because he'd been lying to them for weeks.

“Say something, please,” Logan said, exasperated after such thoughts. His voice was weak and he knew that if he kept talking, he’d break apart again. 

“It’s just, you know, a lot to take in,” Kendall said. He quickly added, “But nothing’s changed, okay?” He squeezed Logan’s shoulder and it was then when Logan realized Kendall’s comforting hand hadn’t left his back.

“Exactly! I mean,” Carlos said, “I’ve got plenty of questions but that I’m not saying anything doesn't mean that I’m judging you.”

Logan could notice Carlos' effort on showing acceptance and something different than shock, and he deeply appreciated it.

“And we won’t tell anyone,” James reassured. “You don’t have to worry about that. We’re best friends, we have each others’ backs, that’s what we do.”

“I was afraid,” Logan said, allowing himself to have a freaking breakdown and starting to cry. “I thought you’d yell at me and I thought you’d want to tell my mom.” He really couldn’t help the tears and how overwhelmed yet vulnerable he felt at that moment.

“No, we would never do that,” Kendall told him. “We’re not going to let you down, Logan.”

“I’m happy you told us,” James said. “And no, we would never betray you like that.” He hung his arm around Logan's neck and pulled him in for a hug that instantly turned into a group hug.

“I’m glad,” Carlos said, burying his face in one of his friends shoulder, “because even when you were scared, you knew you could trust us.”

Logan let himself be hugged and calmed down. He was sobbing a little but it was soon over as he stopped panicking and focused on how much he loved his friends. 

“I can’t thank you enough for this, guys, it means the world to me,” he said. 

Kendall, James, and Carlos backed off again and started lightening the mood up.

“None of that, Logie,” Kendall said, “it’s what friends are for, as James said.”

“Yeah, what did you think we were gonna do? Sell your soul to the devil or something?”

Logan cracked a shy smile. “Okay, I didn’t think you’d do that but my most realistic fear was that you wouldn’t want to be my friends anymore.”

“Absolutely nonsense,” James said. “How could we survive without the voice of reason of this group?”

“In all seriousness, though, how?” Kendall asked with his eyes widening. He moved from next to Logan and they were sitting all in a circle. Or square, whatever. “Don’t get me wrong, dude, but you can’t just come up and tell us you’re into guys without telling, like, the  _ whole _ story,” he continued, spreading his arms.

“Have you guys kissed?” Carlos asked.

James answered before Logan even opened his mouth. “Well, he did tell us he’d kissed the girl so I’m guessing that he has.”

“How different is it from kissing a girl?” Carlos questioned again and Logan turned his head from James to Carlos in a second.

“Guys!” Kendall intervened. “I think it’s not easy for him to just talk about it like that just yet. Let him speak for himself,” he said calmly. “But really, though, answer all of his questions.” He pointed to Carlos with his thumb and then rested his chin on his hand.

“O-kay,” Logan chuckled. “I have indeed kissed him,” he said and James shrugged because  _ he knew it _ . “It’s very different from kissing a girl. I don’t know it’s—” he stopped himself from saying anything before he found the right word. “It’s more… not aggressive, but kinda? It’s less delicate, for sure. At least he is.”

Carlos nodded in understanding. “So he’s the only guy you’ve kissed?”

“Yeah,” Logan answered.

“When did it first happen?” Kendall asked.

“Like a month ago. But I’d liked him since before I tutored him. I talked to his teacher and suggested the voluntary tutoring. She thought it was a great idea and set a meeting with both of us.”

“Yeah,” James said. “I remember when Ms. Marks called you in the middle of our history class, right?”

“Umhm,” Logan said. “So we met and exchanged phone numbers to meet after school and all of that. I told him how my mom was with visits and stuff so of course we decided to do the tutoring at his place. We started having this routine where we'd do whatever homework he had for that day in the living room and then he’d invite me to his room to watch TV or play videogames before I left.

“I don’t know how to put it in words, exactly, but we both noticed we liked each other. I didn’t complain whenever he was too close to me and I stared at him when he did his math exercises without caring that he noticed.” Logan fidgeted with his still sweaty palms and tried not to feel too nervous about the three pair of eyes that were fully centered on him. 

“Like a month ago, we were in his room after doing his homework, as usual, and he literally just kissed me. I freaked out for a second, but I realized I liked it so I didn’t stop him.”

Logan stayed silent and waited for more questions to come.

“And?” Kendall asked.

“What?” Logan asked back.

“Is he a good kisser or not?” James asked. “I don’t know, how did you feel, when did it happen again, did you two talk about it?”

“He’s a good kisser,” Logan listed off with his fingers. “I felt happy and excited and nervous, of course, because I wasn’t sure of what I’d done. But I wasn’t too scared, you know? I’ve known for years that some boys like boys and I know it’s not wrong to be one of them. I was just crazily impressed because I’d never thought I’d act in response of my attractions to guys.”

“Who was the first guy you liked?” James asked.

Logan turned to Carlos.

“Remember when your mom signed us up for swimming classes because she was obsessed with that drowned kid?”

“Yeap,” the three answered in unison.

“Well, the kid that always arrived late."

“You liked Josh?” James asked, offended. Logan nodded. “Unbelievable! I hated him for having Meg’s attention when she should’ve liked me!”

Logan laughed. “Whatever, he was the first guy I liked. Any other questions?”

“What happened next with you and him?” Kendall asked.

“We just kissed and I left in a hurry because I’d be late for dinner —By the way, the part that he lives near me, it's true. We didn’t mention it until next day at his place again. I asked him what had that been about and he said that he liked me. And I was like ‘ok, I like you back, obviously’ so we just kept kissing every afternoon after doing homework.”

“Just kissed? Nothing else?” Kendall asked.

Logan blushed. He hadn’t imagined the conversation this far, but he should’ve known they’d ask that.

“Yeah,” he said, a little insecure. “I mean, we’ve made out and that’s it.”

“So you two are together now?” Carlos asked.

“I don’t know. I’d been all stressed because I was hiding it from you so we’ve spent a lot of our time talking about it. He convinced me to tell you.”

“Does his family know?” James asked.

“That he likes guys?” Logan asked surprisedly and James nodded. “Oh, no. His father’s in the military and is very close-minded. I think he wanted to tell her older sister, but I don’t know if he did it.”

“Okay, I think I just got one more question,” Carlos said.

Logan sighed, but smiled. “Go ahead, Carlitos.”

“Do you still like girls?” Carlos asked. Kendall and James’ turned to Logan expectantly.

Logan’s eyebrows raised. “Well, yeah, I guess. I don’t know if I’m gay and I’m not in a hurry to figure it out, you know? I think it’s too early in my life for that. And I feel like I need more experience to define it.”

Kendall snorted. “You need more experiments in order to build a solid hypothesis?”

“Yeah, you could say that,” Logan said, still grinning softly. “Can we now  _ please _ drop the subject for today? It’s kind of been a lot for me to take in. Too much info revealed.”

“Sure, dude,” James said. “I think the interrogation is over for today.”

“And,” Carlos added, “we don’t have to talk about it unless you want to.”

“We won’t even mention it,” Kendall assured.

“Another group hug?” Logan asked, opening his arms.

“Yesss,” they answered wrapping their arms around Logan and each other again.

That night they didn’t look for more snacks nor did they turn the TV on again to watch movies or play more videogames. Instead, they all stayed with Logan on the floor and fell asleep without even realizing it. They slept in very uncomfortable positions and with few covers for the four of them. Just James had a pillow, and Kendall wasn’t even sure if he’d slept on Carlos’s chest or Logan’s back.

Logan knew in that moment that those three boys he’d grown up with weren’t just his friends, but his brothers. He realized that they’d actually never let him down, and he couldn’t be happier about telling them the truth.

**Author's Note:**

> You can all thank upsidearound for helping me proofread this and giving me pre-posting feedback.


End file.
